THE TWINKLE IN THE TEARS – (Memoir series – Story 21)

A BAD MONTH TO DIE

It’s Christmas time. And I’m hating it.

The whole village is cheerful. But I am not.

Colourful decorations dangle outside the houses. And multi-coloured miniature lights twinkle from trees.

But at Granny’s house, there’s only one star, and it’s sad like me. And it hangs from the hook of the verandah’s ceiling with an abandoned look. Its glaring light attracts flies and night bugs. And the pointed tip at the bottom is collecting dead insects, making it appear dark and grim.

Christmas season is the happiest always.

But Granny says there must not be any celebrations for 40 days from when Mummy died. We will quietly celebrate the birth of Christ.

Every few days, I go with my cousins and Granny to where Mummy rests.

We make our way through the maze of graves. And clean up the remnants of burnt-out candles and wilted flowers.

We light a few candles cupping the flickering flames from the gusty breeze. And spend a few silent prayerful moments listening to the rustling of leaves and the creaking of nearby trees.

On Sundays, we have the priest come over and do a prayer around the grave.

The nights during the Christmas season are festive. No one can stop the Carollers from barging in. On most nights we have groups of noisy boys and men clutching their colourful balloons and songbooks. We watch them belt out Christmas songs and hymns in Malayalam at the top of their voices.

My cousin and I stare at Santa’s baggy costume, and peek from the sides of Santa’s mask and fluffy cotton beard to guess which of our neighbours has come pretending to be Santa.

Luckily, before Santa’s mask slips off, or his cotton beard gets blown away, Granny hands them some money and they happily leave shouting “Happy Christmas!”.

There’s plenty of food laid out on the dining table, but I’m not in the mood. I can only eat vegetarian dishes, while everyone else enjoys various fish and meat dishes.

Granny has explained that I am to be on a period of prayer and fasting for 40 days. This means that I can have only vegetarian food. This is our religious tradition to honour the departed soul.

I understand my Granny. But it’s Christmas. And it’s not fair that I can’t eat what everyone else can. It’s not fun being left out.

After dinner, my older cousins bring out boxes of crackers. We gather a short distance from the house and light them one by one. Granny doesn’t approve. But with the freedom my older cousins demand, they do what they want.

Now and then when I run past Granny, she reminds me to calm down. Granny is right. I am constantly forgetting that I am supposed to be in mourning. And I feel a pang of guilt. But as soon as I see all the lively things happening outside, I feel excited again.

Finally, the holiday season comes to an end. And the village is back to its normal life.

The days pass. And after the 40th-day prayers, we go to Ernakulam. Granny is coming with us.

It’s a new house now. Daddy shifted to the new house while we were in Kottayam. I can’t walk to School anymore. I have to take a bus and leave early.

Now Granny has become both my Mummy and my Granny. And I love it. There is a touch of old-fashioned charm in everything Granny does. Especially in the food she cooks. And life slowly starts to feel normal again.

Every evening she shares stories from the Bible.

I miss Mummy when it comes to getting help with my studies. And more intently in the evenings when we pray for her.

But Granny is not happy living in a city. In this small house with a small compound, she feels lonely. She misses the freedom of her village life where she can walk around in the big compound and take care of the cows and the hens and ducks.

So we go to Kottayam often. I am amused at the thought that when Mummy was around, we used to go to Kottayam to be with Granny. Now when living with Granny in Ernakulam, we go to Kottayam to ease Granny’s homesickness.

A few months pass, and we are in Kottayam during the weekend. And I can see some serious discussion happening in the front room between Daddy and his brothers.

While I’m busy running around, my Aunty calls me aside. She seats me close to her and tells me that there’s something important I need to know.

Daddy is marrying soon.